he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
