My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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