Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
