Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
