I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
