I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
