i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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