my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
