I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
