You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
this is an emotional support booty call
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
