guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
