Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
