Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
