i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
