I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
