just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
