Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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