Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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