Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
