I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
