Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
