How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
