I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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