im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We are all done wearing pants today
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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