I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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