I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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