he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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