The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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