i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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