At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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