getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
