I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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