2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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