Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
