sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
