I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
