just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If I die, sorry about rent.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
