Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
