come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need moral support for this bender
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
