How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
