the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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