Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
