soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
