I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
