i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
