Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
