yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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