Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
