bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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