I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
