Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
