i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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