she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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