How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
