check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
